Dinner of Champions

For my first two years living in New York I split an apartment with a guy I met through Jason Gorman, a friend of mine from GW. This roommate's name was Ron Hoffman. Ron was basically a big overgrown kid. He seemed to have brief moments of lucidity but was more like a 14 year-old in a 24 year-old's body. Ron was fine as a roommate - we didn't really expect anything of each other - which is pretty much where two guys who don't know each other very well want to be as roommates.

One of Ron's more curious personality traits was his approach to physical fitness. Hey, I know I'm no Hulk Hogan or anything but I can tell when someone's exercise regimen could use a little tweaking. Since our building was right next to a small gym, it was easy enough for Ron to pop over to the gym for a quick workout at a moment's notice. On occaisonal weekdays, Ron would come home from work, change into his workout clothes, have dinner (usually consisting of a smorgasbord of local takeout, the unlikely combination of burritos and won-ton soup) and then park himself in front of the TV. While watching TV, Ron would proceed to pack a bowl and smoke the entire thing himself (sometimes sharing with me) crack open a beer and down it in like 2 or 3 gulps. With a satisfactory belch announcing the end of his pre-workout ritual, Ron would stand up from the couch and say "All right. I'm going to go work out."

After this announcement he'd sometimes look at me and ask me if I wanted to come but being the sloth that I was, I always politely declined. But even if I had gone with him I don't think I would have liked to have seen him attempt to hold down an entire meal, a beer and successfully complete a workout while high. If that had been me I would've vomited all over the nordic track or something. Before working out, isn't one supposed to carbo-load or eat fresh fruit and vegetables, energy bars or something? Ron was eating chicken burritos so heavy they could be used as a door stop and won-ton soup that could take paint off walls.