Stuck in the Mire

Now that the Patriots have finally emerged from their losing streak I can safely reflect on my experience at Gillette Stadium as a standing room only ticket holder for the Pats/Colts game on 11/5.

First off, it was bitch-ass cold. The fact that this was an early November game and I was stamping my feet to get warm was pathetic and made me wonder why I didn't live in California. Second, the idea of literally standing in one place without really moving for up to 4 hours is not an ideal experience. But for Ellis Hobbs and company, I guess I'd do anything.

And what was up with the security? They were everywhere and extremely visible. Standing room patrons were not allowed to even lean on the railing in between the standing room areas and the first level of seating around the entire stadium forcing them to adhere to some arbitrary rule that required us to stand behind a yellow line that was regularly patrolled by Gillette Stadium security personnel who insisted on walking directly on it as they passed in front of you.

We were pretty close to the action and I had my binocs with me (this time without whiskey inside) so I saw all of the interceptions and bobbled passes (thank you Kevin Faulk!) crystal clear.

The game itself we all know about. The emotions of Pats fans everywhere were pretty well summed up by Richard Seymour's frustrated stomping on the chest of Colts OG Tarik Glenn. How the actions of two large men well over 300 pounds in front of an audience of thousands went unnoticed and unpunished until two weeks later is beyond me. Whatever.

Speaking of the crowd I finally felt that I had something in common with the Ironworkers, Electricians and ditch diggers of this part of the world. An extreme hatred of Peyton Manning and how glib he appears in all of this commercials and an extreme love of Rodney Harrison and the desire to see him separate opposing receiver's heads from their bodies.

Green on the Floor

This past Friday night I had the pleasure of experiencing the TD Banknorth Garden in the form of a Celtics basketball game. The thing that always bothered me about this place is how cold and impersonal it is. It seems like a cookie-cutter venue that could be in any random city across the country like Nashville, Phoenix or Salt Lake City. The fact that the Celtics are a team in search of an identity certainly didn't help matters. The oponnent was the Detroit Pistons one of the finer teams in the East although definitely weakened by the departure of Ben Wallace to Chicago. The Celtics hung tough with the Pistons throughout much of the game. In fact, I was shocked at how many good looks they had at points in the paint (mostly by Al Jefferson) and equally shocked at how many of these good looks resulted in misses (again, mostly by Al Jefferson). But the Pistons made a few too many good plays and nudged ahead of the C's in the 3rd. The Celts, without much of a veteran presence to speak of, couldn't muster a response and the game was soon over. This was also my first time seeing Wally Szerbiak in the flesh and I could immediately tell that he plays the game hard and plays it well. He was very aggressive on the offensive end and knocked down a few jumpers. But this was also my first time seeing Sebastian (Bassy!) Telfair and he couldn't stay on the floor because of his foul trouble. It's not very often that you see a point guard in intense foul trouble but he must've had his first 3 fouls in like 5 minutes.

During one of the intermissions they sent some wanker "sideline" reporter into the crowd to interview some fans. The first question to the first fan was, "Who is your favorite Celtic?". When asked, the answer to this question was almost always Paul Pierce, which is fine. But with the Pistons in the building I think if I had been interviewed it would've been hard for me to resist answering "Chauncy Billups! I hope Pitino rots in hell. We're sorry Chauncy!"

The team still paid tribute to Red with the flowers attached to his chair. I'm not sure I get the flowers thing - what was he a florist? I understand flowers are used to honor the dead but I think Red would've preferred a box of cigars and maybe a replica of that horrendous Green plaid jacket he wore during the 1974 Finals. You could've had Don "Duck" Chaney light the whole thing on fire during a moment of silence.

Ah yes and one more thing about the game. The cheerleaders! Ok - hot, yes but aren't most cheerleaders? And what's the deal about Red not wanting them? Why have them at all? Is that really going to get buts in the seats? Put a good product out on the floor and then you'll get fans there. Besides, I think the Celtics' really good marketing angle is the family angle. They should just continue to play that up with family friendly promotions etc. and then they'll get the result that they're looking for. What's funny is that once the cheerleaders took the floor - like a Roman Phalanx battling the Carthaginians - I noticed that the look on the faces of the other fans was somewhere between shock, confusion and bemusement. At this point, there wasn't so much hooting and panting as much as there was scattered applause when they finished with intermittent screams of encouragement. The Puritanical crowd was probably put off by the sparkly green bras with matching gold bottoms that the cheerleaders wore.

The Big Chill

What exactly is this woman's problem? You wouldn't see a man telling his co-workers to back off because they're enjoying a cold Starbucks beverage in the office would you? If she wants to be alone and not discuss work related items why doesn't she just go home? Or the ladies room? If she's in the office she should be expected to handle all work-related inquiries.

"I'm sorry I can't talk to you right now Bob I'm enjoying this cold beverage. "

If I were Bob I'd bring this matter up with her supervisor post-haste. Furthermore, I believe Bob has a decent case for assault and battery in the workplace. That Doo-Wop group is undoubtedly trespassing and has no right to use brute force on poor Bob.

Eat to Live or Live to Eat?

Oh those crazeee!!! food cravings by pregnant women! What a gas! Ha! What about spare ribs and Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream? Ho-Ho! No - a Spicy Tuna Roll and Punjabi Eggplant! Harharhar! How about Chicken Tetrazinni and Beef Chimichangas! Just take any random food pairings and put them on a pizza and we could be looking at Domino's next new product marketing blitz.

Let's Get Personal

Brilliant. I had no idea that HP was so prejudiced against Asians. Clearly what they're saying here is that all Asians look the same. You can't tell 'em apart those slanty-eyed little devils! This probably isn't in their best interests since I'm sure their hardware is assembled in China somewhere. This ad does remind me of Total Recall a little bit and the masks characters used to disguise themselves which seemed like actual human flesh.

I Prefer Macouns

Oh yes I forgot. All Macs are completely impervious to viruses. Is it wrong to think that this ad is a little misleading? They neglected to mention that more PC owners suffer from computer viruses because the sheer volume of PC users outnumber those who use Macs. Boy that young Mac user - he thinks he's so cool and glib. I just want to yank his stylishly scruffy hair and shave off his eyebrows. As for that PC user - who is he? The mentally inferior younger brother of Bill Gates? I guess every family needs to have a Fredo - even the Gates'. Seriously though, these ads are genius. They just need to be made fun of because everyone likes them.